Posts Tagged: weight loss

The Mental Weight of Weight.

I’m feeling particularly angsty at the moment, and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s the weather change that’s happened pretty much overnight (nothing new for Chicagoans, however). I find myself really wanting to chill in front of a fire (a bonfire, specifically) and drink hot chocolate and eat smores. I find myself really wanting to sit by the ocean for a while. For someone who doesn’t consider herself one with nature, I think about it an awful lot. And then I remember that foods like smores and drinks like hot chocolate don’t help me to lose weight. And then I… I’m not done yet.

My Lazy Life.

After my mini pity-party yesterday, I decided the best course of action would be to get up and get out. I elected to walk the mile to a bookstore that I visit with varying frequency, depending on my mood. This mood said, “Get some books, and quit whining.” Even though the weather was tolerable, by the time I got there I was fairly sweaty. I felt good – and bad – about that. My muscles were still slightly achy from the 11-miler I ran Sunday, and I figured some light walking wouldn’t hurt. I also knew I’d sweat a bit… I’m not done yet.

And then I couldn’t fit into my bridesmaid’s dress.

Tonight, I ended the standstill I had going with trying on my bridesmaid’s dress. I have had the dress for about a month. I didn’t go to get it altered. Why? Because I knew I was fat, that’s why. On top of swearing too much, I also eat too much. Conversely, sometimes I forget to eat. In health speak, this equates to a giant frowny face that means “this is why you’re fat.” If I were trying to be positive, I would say, “Well, Amanda, you’re not obese! You have boobs! You sometimes work out! And every now and then… I’m not done yet.

Fear and Self-Loathing in My Head.

Beattie focuses a lot on fear; the reasoning behind it being that if you’ve spent so much of your life in a place where fear protects you in one way or the other, you want to stay there. But, she writes, it’s time to re-evaluate. Today, I went to the doctor to get a physical before I start training for my marathon. It turns out that in the past couple months that I’ve been eating poorly and not exercising as much as I should, I gained 10 pounds. I stepped off the scale and shook my head. LAME.  It’ll take… I’m not done yet.

Release.

I just realized that in a mere 7 months, I’ll be 28. Weird. What that has to do with the rest of this post is, of course, absolutely nothing. Beattie makes things sound so easy. “Let the fears slip away,” she writes, as if fears are silken sheets casually dropped and left on the floor. The point of today, for her, is to release all the fears, resentments, problems – even the deep-seeded ones. They’re no longer useful, so why hold onto the old baggage? Okay, so the lady has a point. The problem, for me, is that some of… I’m not done yet.