Posts Tagged: guilt

There’s a bump in the road.

April 2 is supposed to be about facing your guilt and shame; perhaps Beattie had a sense of humor when she placed this topic the day after April Fool’s. Anyway, the only thing I currently feel guilt and shame about is the fact that I ALMOST! forgot to write a blog post tonight. I dragged myself out of bed to write these pointless words that you are now reading. It’s a good thing that I can type well, albeit with incorrectly placed fingers, because I can barely see (did I mention I dragged myself out of bed?). Nevertheless, everyone faces… I’m not done yet.

Guilt.

Time is ticking for me to write this blog… a new years resolution I’m determined not to break. Most likely all this means is that this blog will be short AND make no sense. Things I currently feel guilty about: 1) after all the kickboxing I’ve done, you’d think my muscles would be somewhat more forgiving during yoga tonight. 1a) the answer to that is “no.” 2) After said yoga, not being careful about what I was eating. 3) writing this too late. 4) not being in bed yet. Beattie says to let it go. So I’m going to; mostly… I’m not done yet.

It’s a shame that it’s a shame.

Day 34. Guilt can be ok. Shame is not. Currently I’m ashamed that I’ve eaten like 17 of the peanut butter brownies that I made. To be fair, my lady parts demanded it and you can’t argue with lady parts. You just can’t. I’m ashamed that I waste my energy on people who just aren’t worth it. If they are miserable, ugly people, it doesn’t mean I have to be. I wish that the knowledge of someone being miserable and ugly inside and out was enough for me to stop reacting. ┬áMy reactions are still just as incensed as before…. I’m not done yet.

And then there’s that guilt thing.

It’s like this book is reading my mind!!! … or I really am codependent, and that’s why I got this book in the first place. Day 11, entitled “Letting Go of Guilt,” … well, let’s just say that you could put my picture there and be done with that day. Maybe it’s actually guilt that is my worst enemy. And according to Beattie, “it’s imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.” Read that? Imperative. Which is adult-speak for “listen the fuck up.” As Spandau Ballet sings, I know this much is true: Letting go of this will be awfully hard…. I’m not done yet.