I’ve been trying to examine why there exists in the world this feeling that can be summed up as: I DETEST YOU SO MUCH I WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE AND I WON’T EVEN FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. Is this how people go to anger management? Well, I guess they’d have to go if they went around punching people in their faces all the time. I have yet to punch someone in the face (without my magic boxing gloves, and even then it was a slow-mo punch), but today I witnessed pure harnessed wrath between two strangers and… I’m not done yet.
Posts Tagged: feelings
Tonight, I did a speed workout that consisted of three continuous-run miles with three-minute breaks in between each. One of my coach friends ran with me and another friend, encouraging us along the way. She remarked, “You look like you’ve gotten stronger.” “Have I?” I said. “Yeah with continuous running… you just seem better.” “Oh, I have no way of really knowing,” I said. “And believe me, I’m only running continuously because I have to.” “Well,” she said, “then you have to all the time.” The words really struck me, not only because they were inspiring me at that time,… I’m not done yet.
Today marks my one-year anniversary of quitting smoking. First, a confession: Ask the medical community about my smoking history, and they will tell you that I – who smoked about one pack a week (unless there were other smokers around) for 5 years – am small potatoes when it comes to something like this. It’s true – no amount of smoking is “good.” But in the grand scheme of things – and by most norms – I should have been sucking cigarettes down to their cylindrical filters, up to three packs a day. I wasn’t. A psychology class I took… I’m not done yet.
Beattie writes about the “in-between” space today; that feeling when you’re trying to let go of what you need to let go of, but everything feels so empty. It’s like moving to a new place – all your stuff is there, but it’s different and unfamiliar. Or, sugar-free chocolate. It looks like the chocolate you used to know, but… really, not. Everything takes time… which – even the most patient of us know – is aggravating. I think I’ve gotten a lot better at managing some of my feelings, but every now and then something will flare up for me…. I’m not done yet.
“To change the world, start with one step.” – Dave Matthews Band Beattie writes about how denying feelings can be hazardous to someone who’s codependent. You always want to stick up for the people or the situation that you perceive to be the underdog, even if she/he/it has really hurt you. You tell yourself that someday, somehow, the situation will change – if only you stick it out. Good things come to those who wait, right? You say, “That person will change; eventually, I’ll get what I want or need,” or “I’m just in a rut professionally; I’ll snap out… I’m not done yet.