Day 6 and the topic is exhausting me just by reading the words on the page. Beattie quotes one of her other books, “Beyond Codependency,”: “If we are unhappy without a relationship, we’ll probably be unhappy with one as well. A relationship doesn’t begin our life; a relationship doesn’t become our life. A relationship is a continuation of life.”
My first thought: Fuck.
I know no one ever thinks they ‘are’ a certain way, but I’d like to think that I can survive without a relationship; I haven’t had a real one in years. I’m not really one of those people who sits on public forums and constantly complains about the lack of a significant other in his/her life, and how he’ll/she’ll be single forever, etc. I think it’s a time and energy waster. Some part of me misses it, though.
I refuse to have a meaningless hook up. Some people have criticized me for this, but I don’t see the point. It’s the one thing I’m certain of.
It’s when I’m IN a relationship that it’s a problem. That little part about “becoming our life?” Yeah. Hi. That’s moi.
I have only ever been in long-term relationships. All had good aspects; most frayed my nerves. I tried so hard, and lost myself, became too judgmental, didn’t appreciate the other as much as I could have. I have this idea… as if the person you’re with should balance you. That idea doesn’t exactly work if you’re not comfortable with yourself.
So, I like the idea of it being a “continuation”. I’ve never really thought about it that way before. It’s a nice thought. The person you are when you begin shouldn’t necessarily stay the same in a relationship (change, to a certain degree, is inevitable), but rather evolve with their core in tact.
Definitely a challenge, but I’m starting to feel up to it. :)