And now?

I had a drama teacher in high school who always asked us about the concept of “now.” How can now be now when now has already passed?

I found it a difficult and frustrating question, to say the least. And now, some years later, I find it difficult to live that way – focused on the present. Live in the now, because now is all we have, according to Beattie. But it makes sense; if you’re still thinking about the argument you got into yesterday while worrying about all the stuff you have to do tomorrow, it kind of makes you not such a happy person.

So, today I attempted to focus on what I had. I ran this morning, not long after I got up. For the first few minutes I focused really intently on breathing in and out, to make sure I did so (I sometimes forget). To my surprise, I noticed that what usually causes me great strife – the first mile or so – wasn’t all that awful. I did have to convince myself a few times to stay with it, but it was ok.

When I got home, I tried to stay productive and positive. Normally I save my days off as the stockpiling of “stuff” that doesn’t get done during the week (and, honestly, 98% of what I want to do never gets done anyway). Today I told myself that I should just do a little bit. Start with one pile of mail. Throw away things that I could. When I was done, you could actually see my coffee table. I consider this – well, anyone who knows me would consider this – a major accomplishment.

And, as boring as it may sound, I’m spending my evening trying to cook, 1) to use up what has a tendency to perish, and 2) to be more proactive in eating healthier.

It wasn’t always easy to be present today, but I did the best I could. And I found that it was an interesting way to be productive, and somewhat positive.