Today, I was SUPER inappropriate. As in, I said “fuck you” to someone in the workplace. And I was screaming so loud I’m pretty sure China could hear me.
It left me feeling somewhat vindicated. But, for this and other reasons, I feel bad about it. It wasn’t the right thing to do, but in that moment, I was so angry I couldn’t see straight.
… But why should I make excuses for something I felt was the right thing to do, at the time? Beattie says that we shouldn’t feel bad for feeling good. I’m pretty sure she meant the good that involves laughing, skipping, eating ice cream… not the one that involves screaming obscenities… but still.
I’ll also try not feel bad when I have those honest-to-God-good moments. The ones that make me forget how stressed I am, how hurt I am… It’s OK to chill out, feel good, feel justified. Being sad or in pain all the time doesn’t help.
Gosh, Amanda (cousin Mardene here). Do you work at your Dad’s place? I feel so horrible for you; you seem to really be in a pretty steady state of stress. What is your job there? I would never presume to even make a suggestion as to what you should do to remove yourself from this dysfunctional environment; but seriously girl, you really need to think about working at something that makes you happy. No preaching from this cousin, just mega-empathy and wishes for happiness to infiltrate your life with fanfare and hoopla.