On this, day 120, Beattie writes, “HEY! GET YOU SOME!”
No. She didn’t write that. I made it up. She DID write about relationships, and how we can initiate them without falling victim to dysfunctional situations. And I sorta maybe kinda if not entirely skipped through most of the passage because – as I was just telling my sister today – the thought of dating anyone right now makes me extremely, extremely nervous.
Weirdly, it’s for the reason Beattie’s writing. So, it’s a conundrum: You can’t date anyone because you’re afraid of what might happen; you never know what might happen unless you try. And I think I’m getting to the point where I maybe could, as long as I could become invisible the instant it got awkward.
I know, I know, you’re thinking, “POSITIVITY!” and I’m right there with you!… except I’m not. Beattie says, “INITIATE!” and all I see is “OMG AWKWARD!” and I really don’t know what the problem is. And so many well-intentioned people (my youngest sister! my grandma! the world!) have tried to tell me who I should date or where I should go so that I can meet a person who I should date and it’s just. so. overwhelming.
I’ve been thinking lately that I’m going to meet someone in the most random of places (like when I throw out the trash) but that’s probably because I am, at heart, a writer and I think largely about these things (I guess that means I should write them down too, eh?).
P.S. God, if you have any compassion for me at all, please don’t let me meet someone while I’m throwing out garbage. Thanks.