Leave a Comment Humor, life

Hellllloooooo? I’m a caaaaaaaaarrrrrr?

Just heard an awful car alarm go off for three minutes. It sounded normal, then dipped into a minor key, then sounded like its battery was dying, then sounded normal again.

I want those three minutes of my life back. Alas.

Having a strange day today. Someone left me a quote by Paulo Cohelo which made me smile so wide my cheeks hurt, and LivingSocial had an $18 deal for a speed-dating event which (naturally) I had to look up…

… I almost fell out of my chair, laughing. They had events for all kinds, but pretty much assumed you fell into one of three categories: ethnic, educated, or enticing. I wondered if I could show up in the jeans that flatter my muffin top and the hoodie that has a hole in the elbow and still be ok. Something told me probably not, but they did have an event for gold-diggers (ahem. successful men/younger women, that is…) and I thought they’d maybe go for a hood rat. I mean, I can speak a little bit… so, if they paid for the wardrobe then how wouldn’t it be a win-win?

True love, folks, involves talking about how much money you can get from the divorce in five-minute intervals.

Later in the day I opted for my second Starbucks trip and was just lucky enough to be behind a woman with two small children. The kids wanted cake pops, but “just the chocolate ones” and the barista had to explain seventeen times that there were no “just chocolate ones”; there was salted caramel or there was chocolate raspberry. The woman – in an attempt at health, I think, because there was both chocolate and the mention of a fruit? – was trying to push the children in the direction of the chocolate raspberry cake pop, but the children (wisely!) were having none of it. The barista, finally exasperated, said that the closest thing he had to “just chocolate” was the BIRTHDAY CAKE cake pop and the kids were like, “HELLZ YEAH!” So they got their cake pops and their chocolate milk only for the woman to realize that she didn’t have enough money on her Starbucks card, and had no other form of currency – she was $5 short. She told the kids to put their chocolate milk back, but I sensed a riot was about to occur. Therefore, I used my Starbucks giftcard to pay for theirs and mine. All went home happy and temporarily diabetic.

And now that I am home, I realize that coffee is not the food group it once was for me. I’m starving, I have a house to clean, some writing to do, and some music to play.

Thank God I have a break tomorrow.

Have a good night, everyone.

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