I had the strangest dream last night. It didn’t make a lot of sense, but at one point I remember having trouble seeing and so I put my glasses on – except they weren’t mine and I still couldn’t see very well. When I went to look in the mirror, my eyes were clouded over and my pupils were a pinkish color. It was disturbing, to say the least.
I generally dream in color and I generally remember my dreams. Some linger more than others. I had a friend ask me recently if I write my dreams down. The answer is no. Some believe that writing them out will help to decipher them, but really – what is there to decipher? That I need new glasses? Or, philosophically, that I need a new perception in this life I lead?
I see the word perception and I think the word “change”. The funny thing about that is: perception is hard to change. You wouldn’t buy a dress you think is hideous, and wear it every day just to try and change how you feel about it, would you? Similarly, take someone you don’t particularly care for. Now imagine being their best friend. Can’t do it.
The solution? Probably to change the perception bit by bit. Or, if you’re an overachiever, chunk by chunk. I heard somewhere that it takes 7 times to break a habit. I don’t know I believe that statistic, but if you stopped yourself from doing something seven times straight… well, it might not be the first thing you go to.
My perceptions are changing. I’m starting to recognize what is unhealthy and toxic for me. I’m starting to see that, if I don’t want to feel a certain way, I probably shouldn’t indulge in the behaviors or the situations that make me feel that way. I’m fighting every day to remember: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle,” which I am not good at just yet – but I am grateful that they’re just fighting battles and not wars.
What’s the goal? Taking the good dreams. The hopes. The perceptions. And turning them into realities. To remind myself to face my problems head on, no matter how daunting that seems. To stop resisting and start accepting.
And to stop dreaming of clouded-over pink pupils, because that shit is scary.