Tonight, I ended the standstill I had going with trying on my bridesmaid’s dress.
I have had the dress for about a month. I didn’t go to get it altered. Why? Because I knew I was fat, that’s why.
On top of swearing too much, I also eat too much. Conversely, sometimes I forget to eat. In health speak, this equates to a giant frowny face that means “this is why you’re fat.”
If I were trying to be positive, I would say, “Well, Amanda, you’re not obese! You have boobs! You sometimes work out! And every now and then you eat a salad!”
But here’s the thing: I’m not trying to be positive. All I want to do is drown out this revelation by going to Potbelly’s (oh, the irony!) and getting an Oreo milkshake. One there. And one for the mile walk home.
This is what every woman in America fears: that their clothes will not fit. That the zippers won’t zip, that the buttons can’t close, that the bridesmaid’s dress for the wedding in 12 days does fit but is insanely tight BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T EAT MORE SALADS. And, you also may have boobs.
Now, I could tell myself that starting tomorrow I will treat my body as if it were a temple. But, I’ll probably cry into my imaginary breakfast that I’ll forget to eat. Or maybe I’ll follow my exercise routine to the letter – and gain a few pounds.
I’m so bummed. I need to sleep it away, and dream of happier things, like chocolate.
I know that feeling. I have on a few occasions had the need to drop a few (ok like 20) lbs in a few days. I have this diet thing that my Mom and I have done forever when we need to drop as much weight as we can before some big deadline because we both procrastinate like crazy. It is kind of like an ultra Atkins thing. You eat as much raw green veggies (steam them if you have to have them cooked), broiled/grilled/smoked (pretty much anything but fried) lean meats, avoid caffine if you can and lots of water. You do it for 3 days or so and I usually drop like 8-10 lbs. I am telling you it always works for me. Well, it always had before, but now I am doing the whole low carb thing full time, so I don’t know if it would make a difference, but I have lost like 30, maybe 40 lbs in the last 4 months doing regular atkins-y stuff. Good luck. Oh, and try not to stress eat. I know it seems like a good idea at the time, but it rarely is – unless it’s chocolate, then it is fine ;)