Beattie writes about the “in-between” space today; that feeling when you’re trying to let go of what you need to let go of, but everything feels so empty.
It’s like moving to a new place – all your stuff is there, but it’s different and unfamiliar. Or, sugar-free chocolate. It looks like the chocolate you used to know, but… really, not.
Everything takes time… which – even the most patient of us know – is aggravating.
I think I’ve gotten a lot better at managing some of my feelings, but every now and then something will flare up for me.
Today was one such example. I had a really shitty day at work, and my attitude was not the best. I was just angry and frustrated. I think – in the history of the world – everyone has that co-worker (or co-workers) who just doesn’t put in 100%. It doesn’t mean you’re perfect, but it may make you more careful and conscientious. And it makes your job harder and your mood icky. So you spend the day trying to clean up their mistakes while trying to make sure you haven’t royally fucked anything up yourself.
I mentioned this problem to my dad, who said, “Stop being so angry. Just let it go,” and then he scrunched up his face and shook his hands and said, “POW!” which for whatever reason made me laugh. And he said, “See? You’re doing it already.”
Laughing when you’re frustrated is fine (and my dad does have a tendency to crack me up, especially when I’m experiencing what I term “angries!!!”), but it didn’t wash everything away. It’s like you have two sides going on in your brain – one that tells you to let things go, because in the grand scheme of things they are inconsequential, and the other that rages that people are stupid fucking idiots and it’s unfortunate that you have to interact with them everyday.
The sad part is that the stupid fucking idiots probably think the same about you.
So, after I left work I acknowledged how I felt, continued getting angry, and slowly tried to let go of it on the way home. It didn’t work completely, but later this evening when I didn’t feel like going to my workout… well, I used that as momentum. I knew that a little reservoir of that anger could help push me when I needed it.
It did help, strangely, and now I’m feeling good! This won’t turn me into a fitness guru or anything, but from time to time it’s a good motivator. And… with the help of my running buddies tonight, I ran at an 8:24 pace while doing 1/2 mile repeats!
I don’t know if I can ever repeat that, but it’s nice to say I did it once.
Have a good night, everyone. Try to let go of today’s anger and start fresh tomorrow. :)