Today was set to be a stressful day. I was short-handed at work, the replacement hire I found to start next week is no longer because she had some schedule conflicts, I only had one bottle of water (I think), etc. etc. Nevertheless, I tried to keep my wits about me and maintained a constant intake of carbs. For breakfast it was a bagel. Afternoon snack: an apple. Lunch: a baked potato. Dinner: pad thai. I had some people come and congratulate me on even attempting to run the marathon. I had some people who wished me good luck. I… I’m not done yet.
Posts Categorized: Work
Beattie writes about the “in-between” space today; that feeling when you’re trying to let go of what you need to let go of, but everything feels so empty. It’s like moving to a new place – all your stuff is there, but it’s different and unfamiliar. Or, sugar-free chocolate. It looks like the chocolate you used to know, but… really, not. Everything takes time… which – even the most patient of us know – is aggravating. I think I’ve gotten a lot better at managing some of my feelings, but every now and then something will flare up for me…. I’m not done yet.
Today, Beattie writes about one of the ironies about letting go. Let’s say you acknowledge that there’s something you really want or need. Let’s say that whatever this is has been something that, in the past, you said you didn’t need or want. But now, you’re feeling better, and you’re like, “GIVE ME THAT I WANT THAT.” And then it doesn’t happen. And you wait. And you wait. And you wait. And spring turns to summer, which turns to fall which turns to winter, and you think maybe for Christmas, Santa will bring you your wish. Or Jesus. Or it’ll… I’m not done yet.
A couple have things have been put into perspective for me since yesterday (my, how time flies). Perhaps the biggest thing is that I quit my writing job – maybe not forever, but for right now. I’ve been struggling there for months with bouts of writer’s block and plain ol’ bad writing. I made money sometimes, and other times got paid in experience or free shows. But the bottom line is that I was no longer proud of the work I was doing – and for that, it was time to say goodbye. I had a speed workout tonight –… I’m not done yet.
It’s been a very long day and I can barely keep my itchy, watery eyes open. Somehow, every spring/summer, I forget I have allergies. If I take Benadryl, I’ll be out like a light in 20 minutes. Good for me, but also bad for me, because I have an apartment to clean. That is to say, someone is coming to my apartment to look at it tomorrow while I am at work. I should maybe make the place look presentable. OR, I could say it’s a mess because I’m moving. I don’t have to tell them it’s looked like this… I’m not done yet.