So, it’s Valentine’s Day. Every year, I’m always surprised at the reaction this day elicits from people. And every year, I’m always like, “Whaaaaat? just happened there…” And every year, I tell myself that it’s just Valentine’s Day and that’s how people get, and la la la. I don’t claim to be a relationship (or non-relationship) expert, but in my humble opinion, Valentine’s Day is the reason people die prematurely. Don’t understand what I mean? Think I’m being a little overdramatic? If you’re single – both men and women, but women seem to take this day harder – this day… I’m not done yet.
Posts Categorized: Relationships
I had someone at work tell me that I needed to date someone who reads books. (Not the first time this has happened.) I then had someone text me a picture of a wedding cake, and ask me what kind of cake I wanted at my wedding. I don’t know what’s out there in the universe, but something’s up. I really don’t want to be bogged down with suggestions about my single-dom and how to fix it. I’m not sure anything needs to be fixed. I’m not going to say that I don’t miss being in a relationship (some women,… I’m not done yet.
Today, Beattie writes about one of the ironies about letting go. Let’s say you acknowledge that there’s something you really want or need. Let’s say that whatever this is has been something that, in the past, you said you didn’t need or want. But now, you’re feeling better, and you’re like, “GIVE ME THAT I WANT THAT.” And then it doesn’t happen. And you wait. And you wait. And you wait. And spring turns to summer, which turns to fall which turns to winter, and you think maybe for Christmas, Santa will bring you your wish. Or Jesus. Or it’ll… I’m not done yet.
It seems I’m trying to do a lot of proving these days. “Bear and endure,” Ovid once wrote. “This sorrow will one day prove to be for your good.” I wonder if Ovid was trying to lose weight when he wrote that. It’s not just that, though. I struggle to prove myself every day, no matter the task. I’m trying to prove myself at work. I’m trying to prove to myself that I will run this marathon. I’m trying to prove to myself that, above all, I’m worthy. And really, it all just comes down to belief. For a long… I’m not done yet.
“Unhealthy love may meet surface needs, but not our need to be loved,” Beattie writes. Oh. Well… Fuck. 199 days into this… and the whole concept is still a bit of a sore spot. It leads to things like how many of my previous relationships were mired in ickiness. It leads to wounds that haven’t fully healed. It leads to using a Disney quote as the title of a blog post. It leads to seeing those over-produced quote-pictures on Facebook and liking almost every one of them (if not in reality, then in your head). Nevertheless, I shall continue this… I’m not done yet.